


ангел

by Kiley



Category: Avengers
Genre: F/M, HYDRA captured reader, Reader Insert, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-26 15:11:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13238385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiley/pseuds/Kiley
Summary: Nightmares and amnesia plague you. You know nothing of your past. Thankfully, with the help of your best friend Darcy, the infamous Black Widow, and the Winter Soldier himself, maybe you'll be able to recover what exactly happened to you, and wether or not these nightmares are actually memories.





	1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! so this is my first Marvel fic. I'm such a Bucky stan you guys it isn't even funny. Please tell me what you think!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you've been following this you'll probably realized I changed the tense. I wasn't feeling present tense and it was making me not want to work on the story so I changed it lol

“Свеча” a gruff, tenor voice pierces through your skull, saying the word lovingly, like it’s a prayer. 

You can’t move. It’s dark, and you can’t move. It takes a moment to realizes there’s something over your eyes, obscuring your vision. After another second you realize your sitting in a chair of some sort, wrists, forearms, ankles, and calves bound to it.

“Зеленый” you can hear him moving around you, pacing a tight circle. His gloved hand brushes your bare shoulder and you wince, crying out. He doesn’t hurt you, not yet at least. The pain is coming though. Soon.

Slamming your body forward, you scream in a language you didn’t even know, “Нет! пожалуйста! Стоп!”

Unfazed, he continues, caressing the next phrase like a mother would her infant, “летать”

Pain explodes through your head, robbing you of your voice. It shuts down your vocal chords, only letting you choke out a small whimper. It was all downhill from here.

“Девять”

He’s taking his time, you realize. He loves this part. Why though? Why does he love this? You can’t remember. 

“Зима” 

Suddenly there’s a blast, you can hear it distantly, the whole places rocks once. You captor doesn’t speak, but you hear his footsteps stop. He runs to somewhere else in the room. After a few moments you can feel his whole air shift. Something’s gone wrong. 

“гало, война, два, соло, гордость” it’s rapid fire, desperate. This is the quickest your body has ever shutdown and rebooted. You briefly wonder if you’ll make it out alive.  
You do, sadly.

You feel your mouth open, your vocal chords banging together separate from your will, “готовы соблюдать”

“Аварийная кнопка”

Suddenly your world is on fire.

********************************

“Блядь!” you screamed, jolting awake. A thick sheet of sweat poured down your face as you gasped for air. It took a few moments for the phantom pain to leave your body. Once it did you can begin to settle your heartbeat.

“Russian, you’re screaming in russian.” 

You flinched, eyes darting to the source of the voice. It wasn’t the gruff tenor from your dreams though, it was a soft alto, laced with concern.

“Jesus, Darcy, don’t do that to me.” you groaned, yanking the covers from around your legs. Darcy leaned against the door frame, phone in hand, “how do you know it’s russian?”

“I’ve been writing down phonetically what you’ve been saying. Asked Jane to take a look. Doesn’t know a lick of russian but she was able to send off my awful scribbles to one of Thor’s friends. Nat says your speaking russian.” Darcy walked into your room, sitting on the side of your bed. 

“But, I don’t even fucking know russian.” you muttered, head in your hands. 

“Dude, that’s what I told her. I stayed awake, kind of creeped around your door once you went to bed, sorry,” she didn’t look even remotely sorry, “I turned google translate on when you started panting. Look,”

She showed you the phone, where a series of words were displayed in the translated box.

“You started off by literally screaming, ‘No! Stop! Please!’, then you said in the creepiest monotone ever, ‘ready to comply’, followed by your ever graceful, ‘fuck!’”

“‘Ready to comply’?” you repeated, staring at the phrase, “what does that mean?”

“Dunno, I sent it to Nat though, maybe she can tell us something? Maybe it’s a common russian phrase?” Darcy shrugged.

“I’m not russian.” You deadpanned, rolling your eyes.

Darcy copied you, placing her hand on your knee, “You don’t know that. All you know is that you woke up in a fucking jail cell with a shotty ID, a bank account stuffed with money, and no memory.”

You rubbed the back of your head, you had to give her that. Who knew what you were or weren’t?

“Wouldn’t I be able to speak it outside of my dreams though?”

Before Darcy could comment her phone lit up with a call. She swiftly answered it, realizing something was up.

“Hey Nat, yeah I was just wond . . . Yeah, I’m sure, that’s what google translate told me . . . are you sure? Jesus christ, now? Uh, okay, I’ll pack our things.” Darcy hung up, her eyes wide and kind of scared, “Apparently we’re going to the compound. Right fucking now.”


	2. Candle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> outfit mentioned: https://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=233358824

The helicopter that touched down in the parking lot of your apartment complex was impressive in that it didn’t hit a single car. A red head in a black bodysuit jumped out, gun trained directly at your heart. You froze, throwing your hands up. What the fuck??

“Natasha! Jesus! Chill dude. What the hell are you doing?” Darcy threw herself in front of you, obviously pissed. 

“Are you sure she’s not compromised?” Natasha didn’t back down, staring through Darcy and straight at you.

“If by ‘not compromised’ you mean she’s herself? Yeah she’s not compromised.” Darcy scoffed. 

After a few more moments, obviously deliberating, Natasha lowered her gun.

“You mind telling us what the fuck is going on? I’m not letting my best friend get on that helicopter if she’s going to be in danger.” Darcy’s voice was low, not moving from her spot in front of you. 

Natasha took a deep breath and holstered her gun, “honestly, I wouldn’t be worried about her being in danger. I’d worry about you. Get on the helicopter. I can’t tell you anything right now, not until we can get the facts.” With that, Natasha turned on her heel and got back on the helicopter. 

Darcy looked at you, eyebrows raised, “we don’t have to go, there’s always a choice.”

You took a deep breath and rubbed your face. This may be more difficult than you originally thought. 

“No, I gotta do this. I need to know who I am. And if that lady thinks I’m dangerous, maybe I am. Let’s figure this out okay?”

Darcy nodded and grabbed your hand, silently telling you she’ll be with you the whole way. 

You both climbed into the helicopter, buckling in and putting on the headsets Natasha offered to you.

“It’s going to take us about two hours to get to the compound, and that’s only because I’ll technically be breaking some air laws.” Natasha stated as she brought the helicopter up, “So if you want to sleep be my guest. Actually, Y/N, don’t sleep. Read a book.”

You just nodded, too tired to respond. While technically it was still night, you didn’t think you’d be able to sleep anyways. So much was happening in only a short amount of time and you were honestly just thankful you’d been level headed enough to change out of your pajamas. Darcy grabbed your hand and squeezed before pulling her phone out. She tapped for a few minutes and suddenly music started streaming through your headset. It instantly made you relax, but makes Natasha rolls her eyes. She didn’t stop the music however, making you think maybe she isn’t all that bad.

**********************************************

“Hey Steve, Nat said she was about 10 minutes out. I was wondering . . .” Bucky faltered, he should be fine with this. They weren’t even sure if she was HYDRA, maybe she just had an overactive imagination and a hidden talent for languages. Stranger things had happened before.

“Buck, I got this, it’s okay.” Steve smiled warmly, clapping him on the back as he passed, heading towards the hanger.

Bucky sighed and raked a hand through his hair, “I really hope she isn’t like me.” he mumbles to no one in particular. 

**********************************************

Natasha escorted you off the helicopter, sans gun this time, but it was obvious she was itching for it. A broad shouldered, blonde, bombshell of a man walked up, smiling warmly.

“You must be Y/N!” he didn’t have weapon on him, both hands empty. This eased your mind and you smiled a bit.

“Hey Cap! Nice shoulders.” Darcy grinned, reaching out and squeezing one of his biceps. He smiled, blushing a bit.

“Hey Darcy,” he nodded at her, “So, Y/N, you can either call me Cap or Steve. Both names are fine by me. If you want to follow me?”

You looked at Darcy for support. She smiled encouragingly and you nodded at Steve. The four of you walked into the compound. After a few twists, turns, and long hallways, you came to a large bedroom.

“This is gonna be your room while you stay with us,” Steve smiled, motioning to the white walls, white floor, and white king size bed, “If there’s anything you want us to get to make it more your own let me or Tony know. We’ll get it as soon as possible. When I say anything, trust me, I mean anything. Clint has a human sized birds nest made out of pillows that he absolutely loves.”

Natasha puffed out a laugh, surprising you. You didn’t peg her as one to have emotions. 

You nodded, looking around the room. It was honestly bigger than the apartment you and Darcy shared. 

“Darcy will be staying just down the hall,” Steve continued, walking into your room, “Do you think you’ll be able to fall asleep soon?”

“Um, maybe, I’m not all that tired,” you confessed, looking back at Steve.

He nodded, “Do your dreams happen every night? Do you still dream when you take medication to help you sleep?”

“Honestly, they come whenever they want. Sometimes I go weeks without having one, sometimes I have two in one night. It just depends I guess.”

“Okay, well Tony set up F.R.I.D.A.Y. to record whenever you fall asleep, just so you’re aware. If it’s okay with you, there’s a bracelet that’s sitting on the side of your bed. Wear it when you go to bed and F.R.I.D.A.Y. will be able to record your dreams too. But that one is totally up to you. I know you want to figure out what’s going on, so we’re trying our best to expedite that process.” Steve smiled a bit sadly at you. It was understandable that he would pity you. Hell, you would pity yourself if you were in his position. 

“So, who’s F.R.I.D.A.Y?” You asked, looking around, half expecting there to be someone in the corner.

“I’m an AI program, Miss L/N, built by Tony Stark in order to help and protect the Avengers and their friends. Which includes you, Miss L/N. I will only store information that is pertinent to your wellbeing and uncovering your past.” the voice was all around you, startling you at first, “Is that alright with you?”

“Uh, yeah, it is. Thank you for asking.” you looked around, noticing the speakers that were literally everywhere.

“Great!” Steve smiled wide, “So, I’m going to leave you to unpack. Depending on how long you stay here, we’ll have someone go and grab the rest of your clothes. For now though, try and get some sleep.”

You nodded, smiling tiredly. Darcy, Natasha, and Steve turned to leave. Before Natasha was out the door however, she turned to you.

“By the way, I love your sweatshirt.”


	3. Silver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Outfit for this chapter: https://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=233816764

Waking up the next morning took a little effort. You couldn’t remember where you were, and the bed was so much softer compared to your own that it threw you. You sat up, gazing around at the bright room.

“Good morning Miss L/N. I was able to record a few words, however you seemed to have a good night’s sleep. Do you feel rested?” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice startled you a bit.

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, “I don’t remember dreaming honestly. What were you able to get?”

“You spoke in russian again, and the words you said can be translated into ‘Ready to comply’, ‘understood’, and ‘engaged’.”

Blinking rapidly, you grabbed your phone to text Darcy.

“Miss Lewis has already been informed, as well as the rest of the team. Mr. Stark had been monitoring your dreams, and would like to speak with you as soon as you are ready. Shall I tell him you are awake?”

“Yeah, sure . . . F.R.I.D.A.Y . . . what did I dream?” You asked, a hole opening up in your stomach. You knew this was bad.

The AI actually hesitated, “I am not allowed to say, Miss L/N. Mr. Stark said he would be here shortly. I advise you to get ready.”  
Fuck. 

You slid out of bed and quickly pulled on some clothing. Throwing your (H/C) hair up in a bun, you only just get your socks on before Tony Stark himself came walking through the door.

“Hey kiddo, names Tony Stark. I know we didn’t get a chance to meet when you got in, and I hate to jump right into business, but you gotta come with me.” his hands were deep into his front pockets and he looked beyond tired, “F.R.I.D.A.Y probably told you I was watching your dreams, and I found something that’s got Natasha and Tin Can on edge. So if you would do me the honors, I’d like to show you my lab.”

For some reason the sight of Tony Stark set your teeth on edge. You wanted desperately to punch him in his smug face, but all you did was nod and follow him out the door. You had no reason to hate this man, so why did you?

It took about five minutes for you to walk to his lab. He chatted the whole way about the compound, how if you wanted specific food just give the AI a list and it’ll order whatever you want. To be honest you were barely listening. 

“Here we are! Lab sweet lab!”

The lab was probably the size of half the compound. It was filled with Iron Man suits, robots, computers, the teams suits, it was absolutely amazing. You looked around in awe, briefly wondering if Darcy had ever been down here. She was nowhere to be seen, much to your dismay.

“Hey Y/N, Stark said you slept well?” Cap smiled, walking over to you. He laughed softly, “Now that I say that, that sounds totally weird, doesn’t it?”

You laughed as well, “I mean a bit, but yeah, I slept well.”

He beamed at you, softly taking you by the elbow and steering you towards Tony, Natasha, and a man you’d never met before.

“Y/N, this is Bucky. He’s my best friend, and knows a little bit about what you’re going through. At least, we think anyways.” 

Bucky was, in a word, beautiful. You were fairly certain your mouth was gaping like a fish, but in the moment you didn’t really care. His hair was pulled back in a small bun at the nap of his neck, tendrils hanging around his face. He wore dark jeans and a worn red henley, apparently red was now your favorite color.

“Hi,” You smiled shyly, tugging at the drawstring of your button up flannel hoodie. If you’d known you were going to meet the most attractive man on this planet, you would have dressed up a bit more.

He nodded tightly, casting his eyes down. His arms were folded and his shoulders were tight. He didn’t want to be here.

“So, Y/N, have you ever heard of HYDRA?” Natasha asked, stepping up to a computer monitor.

You shrugged, “I mean, yeah? Darcy’s talked about them, and I think I read somewhere that the Avengers fought it, but I don’t know much about it. Why?”

Natasha touched the screen and HYDRA’s crest appeared on the screen.

“Bare bones, it’s a terrorist organization,” She started, images flashing on the screen, “Originally it was formed as a cult, worshiping a being called Hive. After it was banished from our realm, the groups sole purpose was to bring him back. Over the decades it ebbed and flowed, becoming the HYDRA we know today as Nazism gained tred. Johann Schmidt spearheaded it’s separation from Germany, changing the core of the group from worshipping to wanting to be worshipped. Cap over here defeated them during World War Two, or so we had thought. Few years back The Winter Soldier popped up, something that had been thought of as legend.

This development exposed that HYDRA was still up and running, and using James Buchanan Barnes, Cap’s best friend from the forties, to take the opposition out. We were able to help him, and cripple the organization. Until recently, we thought he was the only one who was part of the Winter Soldier Program.”

Bucky grunted a bit, causing you to look over at him. His face was red, and he was very visibly uncomfortable. This whole talk wasn’t vibing with him, and you had no idea why.

“What’s the Winter Soldier Program?” You asked, turning back to Natasha.

“It’s a program where they take a person, brainwash them, and turn them into a perfect assassin. The Winter Soldier was so good, it took anyone, let alone SHIELD, decades to realize he wasn’t a legend. We were able to successfully rehabilitate him, and we’re semi confident that we can duplicate that.”

“Semi confident?” you asked, balking a bit at her choice of words.

Tony cut in, “Well Bucky had Steve to help him, Steve was his catalyst I guess. They could never fully get him out of Bucky’s head.”

“Bucky?” you turned your head to the man, who was still looking at his shoes, “You’re the Winter Soldier?”

He grunted in response, confirming your question.

You took a deep breath, your head swimming from all of this information, “Okay, so what does this HYDRA and Winter Soldier Program have to do with my dreams?”

Natasha, Cap, and Tony turned to Bucky, obviously expecting him to take the lead on this one.

Bucky took a deep breath, “When I was . . . detoxing, I guess you could call it, from the Winter Soldier, I would have these dreams about Zola, the scientist who turned me into him, saying my trigger words. Sometimes I would dream about the aftermath, but it wasn’t until later, when the words meant nothing to me anymore, that I started dreaming about the people I killed.”

“So basically, what he’s trying to say,” Cap cut in quickly, “We think you were a part of this program too.”

Your eyes widened, “Me? You think . . . you think I’m some deadly russian assassin?”

“You wouldn’t be the only one here, kiddo.” Tony chuckled a bit, his voice causing you to clench your fists.

“I’m not an assassin. I’m a regular girl who lives in an apartment and is saving up for a dog. I’m not russian, I’m not part of a 1940’s playing god experiment, and I’m not a fucking assassin.” You were screaming by the end of it, your finger digging into Tony’s chest, frustration getting the better of you. You know you shouldn’t be reacting like this, but Tony Stark was so goddamn annoying. 

“Y/N, think about this for a moment,” Cap smiled softly at you, putting a hand on your shoulder. You relaxed a bit, unclenching your fist and stepping back from a wide eyed Tony. 

Bucky cleared his throat and you looked over at him, “Do you have a problem with Stark?”

You blinked a bit, brows furrowing together, “No, I don’t,”

“I think you do. You’ve been glaring at him since you walked in behind him. What did he do to you?” Bucky’s head was cocked to the side and his eyes were studying you.

Shaking your head, you shrugged, “Honestly, he’s done nothing to me, but he’s just . . . under my skin.”

Tony barked out a laugh, “Normally it takes a few weeks for me to get there, nice to know I’m getting better.”

This time you actually lunged at him.

Bucky caught you around the waist and pulled you flush against his body. You struggled for half a minute before coming to your senses. Bucky didn’t move to let you go. “I think you need to seriously consider what we’re telling you, Y/N. Unless you’re lying and you have a vendetta against him, something isn’t adding up.”

You sagged a bit, Tony retreated behind Natasha, who was eyeing you in the same way Bucky was. 

“Stark, what was in her dream? Did we get any trigger words?” Natasha asked, turning back to the monitor and calling up a file with your name on it.

“No, just a cell, a dentist’s chair, Y/N strapped to it, and a doctor.” Tony sighed, looking over at you, “She gave the statement, confirmed her target, got up, and walked out. That was the extent of it.”

“I think you should stay away from her for now, Stark.” Bucky stated, “Whatever her mission is must have to do with you. And it must be bad, if her conditioning is leaking through even without any memories or trigger words.”

Tony nodded, giving you a soft, genuine smile, before walking out of the lab.

Bucky looked down at you as you watched Tony go. “As for you, we need to see just what you’re capable of.”


End file.
